I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
