the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
