i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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