yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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