so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
