Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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