he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
