Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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