what day is it and did you see me today?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
