News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
