My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
