So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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