Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I am available for nakedness
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
