Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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