Little spoons don't ask big questions
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize