My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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