hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's the barista slut.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
