i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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