Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
