got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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