Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
