i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
