I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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