hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
