Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
