how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
