i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am midnight drunk by noon
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
