i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
