Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
