i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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