well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
