big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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