can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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