So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
