Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
