What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
