I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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