Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am one with the molecules
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize