we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
