Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we're making bets on your personal life
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
