yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
