DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The air was thick with penises
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I could fuck to npr.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
