I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
