Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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