Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
