nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
