You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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