she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
