i just wanna soil my oats bro
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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