he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
