it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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