I wish I could teleport
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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