I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
