I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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