he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
