so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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