When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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