dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
