Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
