I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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