textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
