I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
