im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
