We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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