we have officially lost it.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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