Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
