he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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