Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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