We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
