I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
