it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
