Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
