It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize